Race report: Dam to Dam Half Marathon

All you need to know about my Dam to Dam experience is that I'm not truly angry about the fact that my official results have yet to materialize.

(I think this is operator error, because my sweat-soaked shirt came off in the last half-mile, and with it went my race-chip-bearing bib. I've got an email query out.)

If it had been a quarter-marathon, I'd be singing a different tune — through mile seven, I'd channeled my negative emotions into strong running — but around mile eight, I melted down physically and mentally.

Because I finished slightly before Cory, I know that I ran faster than 2:08:10, which means I did manage to notch my second-best half marathon time ever, in possibly the most humid conditions I've ever raced in and potentially the warmest weather on record for Dam to Dam.

A few moments of levity I still managed to appreciate:

* A shirtless male runner hanging his bib from his nipple rings. If only I'd had a camera or a smartphone.

* A Christmas tree-costumed person at mile two. No reason for the costume was apparent.

* A Disney singalong around mile nine, begun by a couple of bros who were mangling the lyrics to "I Just Can't Wait To Be King." I couldn't let that continue, so I filled in most of the words for them.

In their defense, they stepped up when it came to "I've been working on my ROAR!"

* A kid offering beer to runners around mile 10. Better yet, I saw a man actually take the can.

* "Never trust a fart" posters. If there's bathroom humor on a sign, I'm almost guaranteed to smile, or at least grimace, at it.

* A T-shirt (or were there several?) that said: "Run? I thought you said RUM."

The only circumstance under which I'd consider doing a Memorial Day half marathon in the Midwest again would be if a newer/less trained runner sought support — but I'd consider the Dam to Dam 5K, only because of the afterparty.

Hands down, it had the best refreshments after a race in my entire running career. I got a grocery bakery cookie as I left the finish line area; found ice cream; finished that en route to Fighting Burrito nachos; and moved right over to Smokehouse Catering's sandwiches.

Not the way I'd hoped to close the book on spring running, but it's confirmation that I'm right to call it quits on spring half marathons and take a mental breather.

Snide radio guest: Even running is good for your brain!

I was listening to Iowa Public Radio on the way to work recently, fully enjoying the discussion about the positive effects of exercise on the brain.

Until guest Adele Diamond uttered the following phrase, that is: " ... even something as mindless as running."

I've complained about running-bashers before while always admitting that I used to be one, but most of the haters (pre-2009 Sadye included) focus on how much it must suck/does suck for them.

What's worse, being told your hobby sucks or being told that it's boring? People who ascribe to the theory that indifference is more hurtful than hatred — which I think holds true — probably would go for the latter.

Absolutely I daydream and zone out while running, unlike those who've told me or written about solving personal problems, talking with God, etc., when they're out; absolutely I take a more simplistic approach to running compared with those who focus hard on speed, heart rate, form, etc., as they go.

But that's just it: There can be and is plenty mindful about running. There's strategy and macrolevel story lines in it, just like in any sport. Runners aren't just slimmed-down oxen, plodding along with drool dripping down their faces. (Though spittle is a common sight at races or running routes.)

I promise that my feelings weren't actually hurt by Adele Diamond's offhand remark, and that I still applaud her research and its findings. But still — I rolled my eyes at her hard.